Is that you caller?  I’m glad you waited, for only $10 lose all the weight you want at Jenny’s low price.  I feel a better person, I feel a better me – just ask anyone.  Excuse me, excuse me, explain yourself!  Well, now my husband takes photos of me.  If only I could look like that – without being dead.  Beauty is only skin deep, but just how deep that skin goes is of vital importance.


THE FACADE STUDENT: My body project is due tomorrow. I got full marks on Advanced Soap Operas; my expertise at character’s genealogy amazed my lecturer.  I received a distinction for Understanding the Market Potential of Size 10 and in a thought provoking speech I outlined, Danger of Failure to Exfoliate Your Skin, I sufficiently moved my class to chip in for an Epilady, for school day emergencies.  I know all the rhetoric:


One: Examine with Dissatisfaction.

Two: Note Problem Areas.

Three: Conceal, Camouflage and decide on Strategic Action.


It’s simple three basic steps to successful completion of your Body Project: full marks for perfection, no chance for brush-ups, no clever lighting, this is live performance.  Think not what you can do for your country girls, but how good you can look doing any old thing!


Oh no!  Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, what the fuck can I do?  How can I ever hope to achieve it?  Can skin improve overnight?  Looks younger firmer, with fine lines diminished.  It’s not how the world sees you it’s how they see your knickers.  Copying nature, I’d like to wear grunge but I know I’ll get bagged by all my friends.  The girls in my group do dress in a similar way – but we all have our own style.  Do you think I need more dressing on my lashes?  Oh its’ no good – I’m losing in the supple skin department, barely there for longer, more luxurious, illegal lashes and they’ll need a searchlight to find my cheekbones!  And I’ll never get completely exfoliated by tomorrow!!!


I need that confidence that comes from knowing you are secure, that certain unselfconscious carefree ability to wear white singlets with just a dab of lipgloss, above all I need to fuse the imagery of blue ink with menstrual blood.  I need to truly believe that I too can be wistful when in excruciating pain.  This looks like a job for Tampon Woman! [Remove Black PVC trenchcoat to reveal black 60s bathers decorated with dangling tampons).


TAMPON WOMAN:  I’ll cut through all these problems with sanitary pleasure, armed only with the confidence that I ain’t gonna be the one to bleed all over the carpet and betray woman hood by nature, stainless steel and bleached cotton will make this Body Project a success, but first a word from our sponsor The House of Evelyn International.


EVELYN INTERNATIONAL:  Here at the House of Evelyn International we believe nature is but a blank canvas for beauty, that everything can be improved upon with the aid of a scalpel.  This top model came to us for a makeover [Slide 1: Barbie].  We took what she had and turned her into an icon of beauty [Slide 2: Evelyn squeezing breasts together with a screwed up face].  Thank you and now back to the show. [Replace black PVC coat]


FAÇADE STUDENT:  All the no-makeup makeup looks in the world aren’t going to give me perkys are they Tampon Woman?  Tampon Woman?  Tampon Woman?  Fuck who needs an applicator – I’ll get my fingers wet!


The WHORE of BABYLON is all around yea!

Can’t you see her?

She is in the water, the water that the Lord tamed.

 She is the force that led Eve to dare to be curious,

to question the word of the HOLY FATHER.

This INSATIABLE urge for knowledge,

this DESIRE to fill their gap,

is why we must SUBJUGATE the woman,

the BIBLE tells me so!

Woman is the passage for the LORD

through her he can pass,

as the VIRGIN MARY allowed the opening for CHRIST to enter the world,

so all women must be the FORMLESS CHASM

through which HOLY MAN’S LIGHT can SHINE through!


This is the NATURAL order of things;

this is how the LORD formed the world! 

We must RESIST the temptation of the whore,

RESIST learning,

and RESIST questioning if we want to be nearer to the LORD.


Woman must be especially careful,

she is the COMPLIMENT to man,

she is the other half of the GREAT MYSTERY



If woman STRAYS from her place beneath man,

if she dares demand anything but MISSIONARY position …


She is DAMNED. 

She is the WHORE of BABYLON!


Thank you, SATAN has left the building.


But first, let’s go shopping in The Compulsory Heterosexuality Supermarket, all products confirm your straightness, let their be no doubt.

The ultimate sign of your normality are Ladies and Gents Levis jeans, but ladies feel free to borrow your boyfriend’s, in fact there is no better way to say to the world: I’m normal, I’m protected, I have a man.

On special this week are His and Hers mugs, bath towels and watches. That warm inner glow you get when the sales assistant sighs with relief is worth the outrageous cost of The Compulsory Heterosexuality Supermarket.

You know, we are all different, but isn’t it beautiful the things we can share? Ladies and Gents razors are the perfect companion to a worry free exfoliated heterosexual relationship. While he razors his face and slaps on a bit of animal magnetism, she can shave her legs to be smooth and ladylike.

Confirm your heterosexuality in your gender difference; it’s the only way to be normal.

Our best seller, The Sexuality is a Jigsaw Puzzle, will help you always remember what is intended to fit where.

So come on down, we’re endorsed by media, churches and government – how can such prestigious organizations be wrong?


Apples are delicious, nothing beats the first bite, the way it crunches so loud and the juice dribbles down your face. I never feel guilty eating one, I mean it’s so natural, unordered and full of the wisdom of centuries. Delicious, but apparently troublesome.

Inflicting a sense of order was quite unnecessary. He uses the claim of chaos and the unpredictability of nature, of flesh. He wants to streamline the curves and contours and eliminate the endless repitition of life ending, life beginning, warmth and cold chasing each other’s tails while night and day dizzily cycle around and around. Continual birth and decay. The richness of the earth feeding on the corpses of her guests.

From the vulvic gates of life all humanity began its decay, drew its first breath and drowned its last. All this continual reproduction all from the mouths of women. The gates of life that must also be the exit or so man concluded. For if woman so painfully spews new life from her belly she must be being punished for causing mortality or so he reasoned.

She is not like us he decided, this aberrant beast whose belly is like the earth, we are above all that he believed and demonstrated by concluding that he must be in charge of her body lest she take it upon herself to tap the unpredictable forces of her nature.

Driven by their fear of death and desire to control birth he reasoned that women was dangerous, it was she who was sucking the lifeforce from man, it must be her that engulfs him in slimy nothingness. Teasing man with the promise of life and pleasures all too short. Fertility was her flaw and her fortune, pregnancy her disease, this vile disgusting siren who uses men so.

The mirror of men’s blame, the receptacle for his hatred she was cloaked by him in the guise of the evil dragon beast, so that he was forever excusable for any rape or torment. Then he marked her as the evil genie, seductress, tempter of innocent man, he moulded her disguise and framed her for all havoc and blamed her for sex which brought life which led to death. The bitch how could she taunt us so, they whined and stamped their fists. Control he demanded, control he must have. Women’s sexuality is now for sale. Stay tuned for free samples. [Toss Jelly snakes to Audience]

Taste the sweetness, but beware her belly has dragged the earth and infused its decay. She is riddled with the rotting corpses of what once was born, lived, fucked, then was swallowed back into the earth. Accepted back into the womb till the dam gates break and the flood breathes life.

To be afraid of woman is to see the huntress, is to fear your death, is to fear your insignificant significance. To see the whore is to look into the face of death. You are frozen by the realisation of the cycle, that you can never escape it, for it surrounds you. The aliness of her is the fantasy of the virgin birth, she that is truly woman must not have pleasure, needs it not to carry new life.

By denying her cunt and hiding his cock we hope to deny our deaths. By coating life with filth we bury thoughts of our own decay.